Angst

I miss my mom.

Since my surgery a week and a half ago, I've been staying at my parents house and being here reminds me of all I've left. The shelter I've been missing out on since I've left the cocoon. Suddenly being here has made me realize how cold I've been so I have tried to snuggle back into that cocoon jacket only to realize that it no longer fits. I don't belong here anymore yet I do. It'll always be home yet it's no longer my home. I've turned into a visitor without the free meal benefit. (I have to make my own).

My dad is a retiree and is home a lot. My mom on the other hand has a very grueling job as a public school teacher. While my dad in many ways has become one of my closest friends, my mom and my relationship has also flourished and she understands me like only a mother can. She has a really intense job that I constantly ask her to retire from, but she wants to stay another few years. Because this job consumes so much of her time and life, I don't get to spend as much quality time with her. But it's on days like today, when I only catch her at the tail end of the day for ten minutes and then get ushered to sleep by my dad who I've had the chance to spend time with all day, that I realize how much I miss my mom and that cocoon I used to have, because in it I wouldn't have been politely sent out like a guest who has stayed too long. That's when it settles in. I'm an adult, with a life of my own, and the cocoon no longer fits.